


If I could tell him

by adultpapa



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Humor, Anxiety Disorder, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff and Angst, Lies, Love Letters, M/M, Mutual Pining, Regret, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-14 20:46:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18059783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adultpapa/pseuds/adultpapa
Summary: After graduating Evan and Connor thought they would never see each other but once college starts and they just so happen to be in the same class. A certain project makes them closer than ever, but are they ready for it?





	1. Never thought we'd get this far

**Author's Note:**

> Eyy what is up gamers!!! I'm not sure how well this is going to be since there isn't a demand for deh fanfics but nonetheless I'm here to deliver so I hope you enjoy.

**Evan**

Would it be cliche if I said that on my first day of college-yes college, that I'm running late? Nobody likes 8 am's, not even the professors. So why torture us? Why torture themselves? I swear they're masochistic but then I would technically be one as well since I chose this class. Ugh, get your life together Evan Hansen. 

**Connor**

If you thought highschool was bad, college is much worse and class hasn't even started. I shouldn't have gotten here so early, but what can I say? I'm an overachiever. Sometimes it's funny to lie to yourself. It makes you feel good, like you're not the fuck-up you actually are. The only reason I'm here so fucking early, _if you think 8 am is early_ , is because my parents kicked me out. "It's your freshman year of college Connor you are not missing the first day." Ugh, they annoy me sometimes. I wish I was high. Yeah being high sounds awesome.

**Evan**

So apparently I'm not as late as I thought. There's literally onle one other kid uh um well adult human student. You know what I mean. God I'm being so awkward. My hands are all sweaty, gross. I walk around the room and I can feel his eyes piercing through me, quite seductive if you ask me. But I can't sit down just yet, I need to find the perfect seat. Not too close to the teacher because gross and not too far in the back because I'm short and won't be able to see the board. Ahhh I'm panicking. I feel a tap on my shoulder, I turn around and oh...my...god.

"Connor Murphy?"

"Uh yeah, hey Evan."

"Oh m-my god, what...why...we're in the same class?"

"Yeah, pretty cool right?"

"Actually yeah, I'm glad you're here. I was about to shit my pants."

What the actual fuck Evan. Why did you say that? He' going to think you're weird and gross and weird and gross, wait he's laughing. Well nevermind good job Evan.

"Haha, Evan Hansen this is going to be a good year."

"How?"

"Well.."

Before he's able to finish a group of students walk in following what I assume to be the professor. They look like a family of ducks, it's kind of cute. Connor offers the only seat next to him. I only take it because One) the sit he picked is in the perfect spot and Two) I finally have a chance to talk to him. God, I thought I'd never see him again. I hope I don't screw this up.

**Connor**

A student walks through the door, looking all confused and...I can't believe it. It's Evan Hansen! Ahh I hope he sits next to me. I don't think he sees me, typical. But here goes nothing. I tap him on the shoulder and turns around. God, he's so cute. His eyes are a blessing that engulfs my wicked soul with purity. 

"Connor Murphy?" 

I can't believe he remembers me, well kudos to you Evan. 

"Uh yeah, hey Evan," don't freak out Connor.

"Oh, m-my god...what...why...we're in the same class?"

"Yeah, pretty cool right?"

"Actually yeah, I'm glad you're here. I was about to shit my pants." 

Oof my heart, and oof my stomach. I didn't know Evan was so funny. I'm mad at myself for taking too long to talk to him.

"Evan Hansen, this is going to be a good year."

"How?"

"Well..."

A group of students walk in following the teacher like their his ducklings. I guess I'll have to tell him later. I offered him the seat next to me which just so happens to be the only seat next to me. So...guess who has Evan all to himself? **This guy.** I just hope I don't screw this up. 

* * *

 


	2. A small step is still a step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapters but hopefully once I have more time they'll get longer. And as always thanks for reading.

**Evan**

Once the professor and his ducklings settle in, I look at Connor and he smiles at me. And I smile because he's cute also because it's basic human etiquette. But maybe I can believe Connor when he said that this is going to be a good year. 

**Connor**

I should stop staring at Evan but I can't. I'm not doing it on purpose. My eyes just naturally drift onto him. His eyes land on mine and now we're both smiling at each other. If life doesn't work out all that I hope for is more moments like these.

**Evan**

I shuffle in my seat when I see the professor walk up to his podium. "Okay comrades, this not your average English class in fact this isn't even English. The whole point of creative writing is expression and in order to achieve that you need experience. You need personality. And you need companionship. It's not what you write, it's how you write it. Make your voice heard, make your ideas clear. If you don't know how to do that well that's why I'm here. So let's get started. You need about 800 credits to pass this class.

"800 credits?" I yell. "Sorry", I sink back in my chair, hiding my face from the class. I can hear Connor snickering next to me and somehow I don't feel as embarrassed. 

" Yes, 800 credits, but no worries. If you just do your work you'll pass. It's actually harder to fail this class. And you're probably asking yourself how the fuck am I going to get 800 credits and I'll tell ya. It's easy. You'll have 4 projects during this course that are worth about 200 credits each. Our first project is to write letters to the person you've selected in order to get to know the person. The goal is to build an unlikely friendship and if that doesn't work out, at least develop a sense of acknowledgement of one's existence. You will pick a name out of this hat and it will have your partners name and email. But don't stress on this too much, this is a 14 week project meaning you have months to get to know your partner. Quality over quantity people. I don't care how much you write back to each other but if you're productive and know more than just their name and what class you guys share, you'll bound to pass. But that doesn't mean you get to fuck around til the last minute. This is still a project and not only that its a domino effect project. In order for you to receive all the credits for this class you have to pass the projects. One plus one does not always equal two however if one plus one understand each other two could be a possibility. Now...who wants to go first?"

I'm sure as hell not going and it doesn't seem like anyone else is either. Wait, seems like Connor is getting up. Good job man, thanks for taking one for the team. "Good luck," I whisper to his back as walks to the front of the room. "Haha, yeah" he says, our eyes meeting.  _Haha yeah._ Who knew words could be so powerful. I've come to a decision that I'm going to get that as my tramp stamp. Connor's words on me for forever? Weird, but hey it's not the worst idea. 

**Connor**

So nobody moves and I hate when it gets like this. Everyone is staring at each other silently peer pressuring one another to make the first move. Maybe if I'm first, I'll have the luxury to get Evan as a partner. For like school not like a romantic partner even though that would be cool too. But one step at a time. Well here goes nothing. "Good luck," Evan says behind me as I walk to the forsaken hat of names. I glance over my shoulder, "Haha yeah." Now I have to get Evan, he's routing for me god dammit!

"Taking one for the team I see, you just received extra credit..."

" Connor"

"Extra credit for Connor!" The teacher said as the class groans. Haha suckers. Fuck you. I reach into the hat and move my hand around a bit because everything you want isn't always your first choice. 6 seconds pass and I can feel the tension in the room. People are becoming impatient. Hypocrites, you should've went first. But I don't care, my whole life is crucial on this, this tiny piece of paper determines everything. I look down and pull my hand out. I flip the paper over, my hands are shaking. 

**Evan Hansen AppalachianTrail@gmail.com**

Woo! This day could not get any better.

"Once we pick our partner, do they also have to choose a name?" I asked the teacher.

"Good question Connor, once you've selected a name go ahead and introduce yourself to your partner "

I happily walk back to my desk and I hold out my hand, "I'm Connor Murphy and I'm your partner."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter updates should be every 2 days so I'll see you guys Saturday

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading loves, and let me know what you think !!!


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